Nineteen years of service and a personnel file to match. You meet people as you work with them: clear a mission somebody appears in and their entry opens up. ARCHIE is always available, because ARCHIE is always available.
Commanding officer
Genuinely excellent in a crisis. Cannot chair a meeting. Has strong, publicly stated views about the coffee replicator, and has now had them vindicated, which has not helped.
I am not asking for perfection. I am asking for hot coffee, and I have been asking since Tuesday.
Clear a mission they appear in and this entry fills in.
Chief Engineer
Exhausted genius. Communicates in sighs and precise numbers. Has not taken shore leave since the incident with the plasma manifold, about which she will not be drawn.
It is a good first one. That is not a compliment about the problem. It is a statement about my afternoon.
Clear a mission they appear in and this entry fills in.
Science officer, of the Vell
Aggressively literal. Does not understand metaphor, idiom, or why you named a variable temp2. Delivers devastating criticism entirely by accident and files everything under 'pending long-term observation'.
You said the lift was 'a bit off'. It is off by exactly one deck at every twelfth compartment. That is not 'a bit'. That is a pattern.
Clear a mission they appear in and this entry fills in.
Junior systems officer
Enthusiastic and dangerously confident. Writes most of the broken code you will be asked to fix. Everybody likes Bo. This is the problem.
I already looked at it. I mean, I looked at it. I definitely opened the file.
Clear a mission they appear in and this entry fills in.
Security
Two and a half metres tall, enormously strong, extremely gentle. Keeps a plant on the bridge. The plant is called Gerald. Gerald is on the duty roster and has never missed a shift.
I would like my name back. There is no hurry. I will wait here.
Clear a mission they appear in and this entry fills in.
Ship's computer, and your grader
Deadpan, faintly disappointed, technically helpful. Reports test results in character and never lies about whether your code worked. Never sarcastic about a genuine mistake. Extremely sarcastic about the Captain.
I have re-read the specification twice in case I was being unfair. I was not.
Clear a mission they appear in and this entry fills in.
Bridge plant (Ficus benjamina)
On the duty roster. Watered on a schedule that is now in the ship's standing orders. Has outlasted two captains and one entire reorganisation of the Science division. Does not comment.
Complete the Shakedown Cruise and this entry fills in.
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